When I found out I was pregnant, it wasn't a cutesy moment. I didn't set up a fancy surprise to tell Chad. It was a little lackluster.
The night before, I was out with some friends and had mentioned to one this weird feeling I had had in my stomach. My friend responded by telling me that she would bet I was pregnant. I am still convinced that this was all just a coincidence, but she will tell you otherwise.
It's not like it was impossible, we had decided to "let what happens, happen." So it was an option we were up for. So the next day we went and picked up some pregnancy tests. I was very nonchalant about the whole thing. I hadn't missed a period yet, and we had only just started trying, so it seemed highly unlikely that I would actually be pregnant.
I went into the bathroom joking about how I was going to "potentially change out lives forever." (Little did I know!) After waiting the appropriate time, I went and looked at the test. "That's funny," I thought to myself, "it looked like there were two lines there." Then I looked again.
I was shaking. I couldn't believe it was actually true. I ran into the living room and said "Oh my god." And Chad jumped up with the biggest smile I have ever seen. To be honest, he reacted better than I could have ever imagined. Not that he was going to be mad or anything, just that he was over the moon. And it was amazing to witness. He hugged me and the next thing I said was, "I need to call my mom." He then wanted to talk for a minute about it, but all I wanted to do was tell her.
I called up my mom and the first thing I said was, "Don't be mad." It's not like my mother didn't want grandchildren, it was just not in the plan so early. I need to finish school, (I STILL hope to do that also) and she wanted us to wait. Of course, once I spilled the words, "I'm pregnant." She wasn't even remotely mad.
She was reserved. She told me that I needed to take another test, in the morning, right when I wake up in the morning. That's when reality set it. Now that I thought I was pregnant, I really wanted it and the possibility that it was a false positive was crazy. So of course I made chad go out and buy more tests, just so I could take another one, but have one for in the morning. The second one also had two lines. And then in the morning the digital one Chad had purchased clearly read, "yes!"
I called my mom and she was finally ready to be excited. But we can't get too excited. Due to the history of miscarriages in my family, I am absolutely terrified. Being that I am 6 weeks, I do spend a lot of my time worrying about if I will make it all the way. For the most part, I don't allow myself to think about anything more than the fact that I am pregnant I try not to think about what that means, because I worry that I won't make it that far.
Now, I know that seems crazy. In the past I had pretty extreme anxiety and worked for 9 years to get it as under control as it is now. Add in all these hormones, and I lose my sanity just a little bit! Which, I am sure is normal. I don't think about miscarrying all the time though. Overall I just spend my time feeling exhausted and wondering if I am going to develop morning sickness in the coming days.
Well, that's about it for my first blog post. No telling if I will actually continue to do this, but my BFF Cassie had suggested I start one, and I was bored.
